


Stopping the Carousel

by Nadja_Lee



Series: Let's Talk About Alec [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abused Alec Lightwood, Abusive Parents, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood-centric, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, F/M, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Protective Magnus Bane, Sad Alec Lightwood, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22338379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Protective Magnus! That's it ;)Sorry, here's the real summary: Magnus decides to speak up when he gets tired of how poorly Alec is treated. Alec and Magnus talk afterwards.Set during season 1Part 2 of the Let's talk about Alec series which details child abuse and how to recover from it to find love and happiness.
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Let's Talk About Alec [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1606735
Comments: 86
Kudos: 1410
Collections: Hunter's Moon Fic Recs





	Stopping the Carousel

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks much to my beta for great work as always.  
> Chapter warnings: Mention of child abuse, punishment, physical abuse, mental abuse, self harm

**Read chapter notes for warnings**

Thanks so much to Regina Danica Villa Bibit for the amazing series banner.  


# Stopping the Carousel

Why had he agreed to come to the Institute again? Oh, yes. For the chance to see Alexander. Officially to help with the search for the Mortal Cup but really to see Alexander.

After Alexander had slept over Magnus had been very intrigued by him and frankly also a bit worried. He had seemed anxious and nervous. It had been two days now and he hadn’t heard from him and he hadn’t answered his texts. So he had called Clarissa and offered his help to find her mother and within two hours he was at the Institute.

It was Clarissa and Soldier Boy – the blond guy who had had the nerve to think he had called him pretty boy instead of Alexander – who had let him into the Institute. They were now in a large office, apparently waiting for everyone to arrive. The office had a large wooden desk, chair, two chairs in front of it as well and a sofa arrangement at the right side corner with a coffee table, a sofa and two chairs. Magnus had seated himself in one of the chairs, conjured up a martini and ensured he had a clear line of sight of the door so he would spot Alexander as soon as he entered.

“I can’t believe Alec is late. He knows how important it is to find your mother,” blond boy was saying to Clarissa. She was sitting in the chair next to him and he was standing next to her chair, looking down at her. What was his name again? Jason? Jace.

“I don’t think he likes me much,” Clarissa said with a frown as if this was a weird mystery ;why he didn’t instantly like and trust her the way Jace and Izzy had done.

“Well, he will just have to change his mind,” Jace said firmly.

“I got your call, Jace. What’s up?” Isabelle said as she entered. She smiled when she saw Magnus. “Hello, Magnus.”

“My beautiful Isabelle. Good to see you,” Magnus said charmingly and saluted her with his drink.

“Did you see Alec on the way?” Jace asked hopefully.

She shook her head. “I haven’t seen him since mum arrived yesterday. Think he has been busy,” she replied.

“Damnit. What can be more important than this?” Jace swore, an annoyed frown on his face as if he couldn’t imagine just one thing that could in fact justify any delay.

Magnus took a sip of his drink to prevent himself from saying that maybe Alexander’s whole world didn’t revolve around Clarissa the way it seemed for Jace.

Magnus could almost sense when Alexander walked into the office. He took his breath away every time he saw him. All dressed in black, looking strong yet vulnerable. In fact…he looked more vulnerable right now…more pale and fragile looking, a hunted look deep in his eyes. Magnus frowned in concern and looked at Jace, Isabelle and Clary but none of them seemed to notice the change in him since Magnus had said goodbye to him yesterday morning after he had spent the night after he had healed Luke.

“I got your text, Jace. What’s so urgent?” Alexander said with a frown when he saw Clarissa and Isabelle was there too.

“Alec! About time,” Jace said with an irritated air.

“Hi, Magnus,” Alexander said shyly when he saw him, his voice soft, a small smile on his lips.

Magnus smiled back, warm and inviting.

“Pretty boy! Just who I was waiting for,” he said fondly.

“I…” Alexander began shyly, blushing, unable to meet Magnus’ clearly admiring stare.

“Alec! Focus!” Jace demanded, annoyed, looking from Magnus to Alexander as he snapped his fingers to get Alexander’s attention.

“What?” Alexander snapped, looking at Jace now with an irritated expression.

“What have taken up your time anyway?” Jace demanded to know.

“I had a talk with mum yesterday,” Alexander said matter of fact.

Well, Alexander thought he said it matter of fact. Magnus noticed the small undercurrent of pain and fear in the words but again no one else seemed to notice.

“That can’t have taken all day,” Jace complained.

“Well, it did,” Alexander said annoyed.

“Alec, stop being childish. Jace is just trying to help Clary,” Isabelle scowled him as if he was a small child.

“Yes, we must help Clary,” Alexander mocked, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

”Alec, stop it! Stop acting so childish,” Jace demanded.

Having had enough of this nonsense towards Alexander Magnus did a hand movement and conjured up another chair, thinking Alexander likely wouldn’t sit on the armrest of his own chair though he really wanted him to.

“Alexander, please…come sit here by me,” Magnus called, his voice kind as he patted the armrest of the chair next to his own he had just conjured.

Alexander’s expression softened and he nodded, suddenly shy and stammering again, “I…Ok.”

When Alexander had sat down next to him Magnus leaned in close and whispered so softly no one else could hear, “Are you alright?”

Alexander gave him a surprised look and there was a hint of…fear? Embarrassment? In his eyes.

“Why…why are you asking that?” He asked nervously, biting his lower lip.

“You seem….a bit pale,” Magnus explained, worry in his voice.

“No, no….I’m fine,” Alexander insisted but couldn’t look him in the eyes and Magnus knew he was lying.

“Magnus, you said you might be able to track my mother,” Clary spoke up, making Magnus lean away from Alexander and look at her.

“Yes. I found a new spell I want to try. Did you bring anything of hers?” he asked.

“Yes, here,” Clary said and handed him a necklace she had taken from her pants’ pocket.

“Ok, let me just try this,” Magnus said as he closed his hands around the necklace and Clarissa stepped a bit back.

Magnus started to whisper words from the spell he had found as blue energy formed around his hands. He pushed with all of his powers, fighting to see the image of Clarissa’s mother in his mind’s eye. It wasn’t until he felt himself almost fall out of the chair that he became aware of how much he had been pushing his limits to try and make it work.

A warm hand was instantly on his forearm, steadying him. When Magnus opening his eyes he looked into Alexander’s concerned eyes. He was kneeling in front of him, having supported him to ensure he wouldn’t sway.

“Magnus, are you alright?” Alexander asked worried.

Magnus nodded.

“Just a bit dizzy. I will be alright,” Magnus insisted, feeling overwhelmed by Alexander’s concern. Most people, Shadowhunters in particular, just wanted something from him. Alexander cared for his wellbeing and had since he had first met him.

“Maybe you shouldn’t do this. You used a lot of energy healing Luke the other day,” Alexander said worried, frowning in concern.

“What do you mean? My mother needs help,” Clary insisted, a hint of fear and desperation in her tone.

“Don’t be stupid. He offered, didn’t he?” Jace protested.

Alexander ignored them and moved his hand from Magnus’ arm to clasp his hand like he had done when he had helped Magnus get the strength to heal Luke.

“Magnus, take my strength,” Alexander offered.

Magnus was again taken back at how freely this young boy offered of himself. He had never met anyone like it. However, Alexander looked pale and weakened himself for some reason and he had already taken strength from him the other day.

Magnus shook his head. “I will be fine.”

“I’m sure but you will be weakened and with Valentine on the lose….Please, take it,” Alexander insisted, squeezing his hand firmly for emphasis, worry and concern for Magnus clear in his eyes.

Seeing how much this mattered to him Magnus nodded and squeezed his hand back, smiling softly.

“Thank you, Alexander. You are a unique man,” Magnus said honestly.

“I….thank you,” Alexander said, blushing, looking down in embarrassment.

“And very pretty too,” Magnus said with a seductive wink to lighten the mood.

“Magnus!” Alexander protested, blushing even more.

“Just saying it as I see it, darling,” Magnus said seductively but then decided to take pity on the innocent boy and focused on the task at hand.

Magnus took of Alexander’s strength and used it to strengthen the spell. He pushed and pushed but to no avail. He couldn’t see where she was kept.

“Can you find my mother?” Clary asked eagerly when Magnus opened his eyes and reluctantly released Alexander’s hand.

Magnus eyed Alexander worriedly. He looked even more pale and weakened and Magnus suddenly felt bad at having accepted the offer. He offered a hand to guide Alexander to the chair next to his but the young Shadowhunter waved it away. Magnus noticed how weak and drained he looked, how slowly he moved to the chair and how he almost sighed in relief when he sat down again, and felt even worse. However, no one else seemed to comment on Alexander’s sacrifice, as if it was expected. Alexander even didn’t seem like he was going to comment on it either, likely expecting it of himself as well.

“Sorry, Biscuit. I am not getting anything,” Magnus told her, still casting concerned looks at Alexander. He seemed ok but very weak and pale. He should have something to eat and drink…maybe he should conjure him something…

“Could you try something else? What if you brought in other Warlocks?” Jace suggested desperately.

“For free?” Magnus asked in a disbelieving tone with an raised eyebrow. He might do it for free for Alexander but why would other Warlocks?

“No. The Clave can pay,” Jace readily offered.

“Jace! No, we can’t. We don’t have the authority to offer payment. You know that,” Alexander reminded him sharply, giving him a warning look.

“Alec, stop being so difficult!” Jace protested.

“Jace. We can’t offer payment. We don’t have the authorization,” Alexander said sharply, his voice final.

“Well, then get it,” Jace said back with an annoyed look at this obstacle.

“I can’t,” Alexander protested. “We will need to go through the proper chain of command.”

“Seriously, you are just making this difficult because you have issues with Clary!” Jace accused irritated.

Alexander shook his head.

“No, I have issues with us breaking the rules all the time,” he said pointingly.

“Alec, don’t be so boring,” Izzy said lightly, in a teasing tone as she rolled her eyes at him.

Magnus finished his drink to prevent himself from saying something at this point, annoyed by the verbal attacks on Alexander. As far as he could tell Alexander had some very valid points.

“We also have some spell books here at the Institute maybe you could look at, Magnus,” Jace offered then, ignoring Alexander all together.

“Jace! Seriously! We can’t offer that. We would need permission to do that,” Alexander protested.

“Alec, I am tired of you keep making this so difficult!” Jace almost yelled at him, clearly upset and feeling betrayed.

“It is against the rules. We will be discovered,” Alexander insisted, his anger rising.

Magnus sensed the fear in Alexander’s voice but seemed to be the only one as Jace just got angrier himself.

“So what? Stop having such a stick up your ass all the time!” Jace demanded furiously.

“I don’t!” Alexander protested hotly.

“You keep making up these excuses for not fixing this. It’s ridiculous!” Jace got out, waving an irritated hand at him.

“I am doing the best I can,” Alexander protested.

“Well, then your parents were right and your best just isn’t good enough!” Jace snapped heatedly.

Alexander recoiled as if he had been hit. His lips became a thin line and he rose and left the room without a word.

Silence fell over the room as everyone watched him leave as if none of the Shadowhunters believed he would actually leave.

“Sorry about my brother. He can be difficult at the best of times,” Isabelle said to Clary with a sympathetic tone of voice a few seconds after Alexander had left the room.

“Yes. I will give him an hour and talk to him again. He will come around to my way of things. He always does,” Jace said confidently, his voice to Clary calming and reassuring.

“You know what? I have had enough of this!” Magnus snapped angrily, having finally reached his breaking point.

With a snap of his fingers his martini glass was gone and he stood up and went over to Clary, Isabelle and Jace.

“What do you mean?” Clary asked confused.

“All of you! The three of you,” Magnus said with an annoyed air, waving his hand at them.

“What do you mean by that?” Isabelle asked with a hint of aggravation.

“You act like a bunch of spoiled brats and I am done helping you! I am here for Alexander and him alone and you are all treating him horribly!” Magnus said angrily, fed up with them all by now.

Isabelle blushed in embarrassment at the scolding. “We’re not…”

“Yes, you are!” Magnus snapped, interrupting her. He waved a finger at Isabelle. “You keep making excuses for him as if he’s wrong in some way and he isn’t. He’s your brother; be proud of him!”

“I…” Isabelle started to protest.

“And you,” Magnus turned to face Clary, again cutting her off. “I love you, Biscuit, but it’s do this, see here, help here, with no regards for the rules or customs of the Shadow World or anyone else’s life or time. Be considerate!”

“But I….” Clary began to protest.

“And you,” Magnus turned to face Jace, cutting Clary off too. “You are his parabatai and you take him for granted. You talk down to him and belittle him. He is supposed to be in charge yet you disobey every command he gives, every advice he gives. You shoot him down in front of everyone.”

“I am allowed to say what I think,” Jace protested.

“Yes, respectfully!” Magnus said strongly. “I am certain you know and have known for a while he has a crush on you and you are using it to get away with treating him like shit.”

“I don’t…” Jace started to protest but the blush on his cheeks indicated he had at least knewn it somewhere in the back of his mind.

“Shut up!” Magnus interrupted him in a firm voice. “All of you shut up, grow up and start treating Alexander like he deserves or you can forget about me helping any of you ever again!”

“Sorry,” Isabelle said softly, feeling guilty.

Magnus ignored them all, too angry to care right now.

“Now…where is Alexander’s room? I assume he would have went there,” Magnus asked, looking from one to the other.

“Second corridor to the right, three doors down,” Isabelle told him in a forlorn voice.

“Thank you,” Magnus said briskly as he left the stunned group behind.

Magnus quickly found Alexander’s room. The door to his room wasn’t completely shut so Magnus entered without knocking.

“Alexander, I am sorry about….” Magnus started to say but then fell silent as he saw Alexander about to change into a new shirt.

Alexander had clearly just applied healing runes to his arms but they couldn’t hide the cuts still healing there. Clean cuts, clean fine lines, all on his left arm. It didn’t take long to realize Alexander had cut himself.

“Magnus!” Alexander hissed in embarrassment as he quickly pulled the long sleeved black sweater over his head, blushing.

“Alexander…Oh, Alexander. What happened?” Magnus asked worried, feeling heartbroken when he imagined the pain Alexander had to feel inside to hurt himself in this manner. He went to him and took his left hand in his, trying to get a better look at his injured arm.

Alexander pulled his hand away from his grip, not unkindly but still firmly.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Alexander insisted, looking away, his voice soft and embarrassed.

Magnus stepped a bit back to give him space but his eyes and tone was soft when he replied, “You don’t have to, darling.”

Alexander looked at his face searchingly as he spoke, his voice soft and anguished, his eyes pained and worried, “You saw. The scars.”

“Yes,” Magnus acknowledged, his voice still soft and even, holding nothing but kindness, sympathy and shared pain.

“It’s….weak,” Alexander admitted, looking down as he spoke, kicking himself for having forgotten to lock the door. It sometimes didn’t close properly and he had felt too emotionally unbalanced to double check.

Magnus shook his head.

“No, darling. It’s a testament of your pain but it is never weak,” Magnus insisted strongly, his voice kind.

Alexander looked up at him in surprise at his words.

“You…How can you say something like that?” He asked softly, confused.

“Because I mean it,” Magnus said strongly. Then his voice and expression softened and became almost pleading, wanting to save this boy from the world, from himself, more than he had ever wanted to do anything ever in his entire life, “Alexander, you are worth the world and if you will just let me I swear I will do my best to show you that.”

Alexander looked away, conflicted. “Magnus, I can’t….we can’t….”

“I won’t force you, darling, ever. This has to be your choice but I implore you to, for once make a choice that considers your own happiness and your own heart,” Magnus encouraged.

Alexander couldn’t look at him as he replied in a low and shaky voice, “I am.”

Magnus frowned and smiled sadly, “Are you? Your body is a portrait of your pain. That doesn’t scream happiness to me.”

Alexander shook his head, frowning.

“I….You are confusing me,” Alexander said pained.

“I am giving you options. Before someone can truly love you then you must love yourself,” Magnus said as kindly as he could.

Someone had clearly hurt Alexander badly for him to hurt himself like this, to hate himself like this. Magnus wanted nothing more than to hug him and promise to heal him but Alexander wasn’t ready. Not yet. This had to be his choice.

Alexander laughed humorlessly, darkly. “Then I guess I am out of luck then.”

Magnus shook his head and gave him a pained yet confident look.

“I hope not. I think not. I believe, firmly, that one day very soon, you will dare to make a choice for you, for your own happiness, in front of the whole world,” Magnus said with certainty, his voice kind and encouraging.

Alexander shook his head again, his eyes on the floor, his voice weak and pained, “That’s not me.”

“Not yet, maybe. But I think it will be. I think it can be,” Magnus insisted gently.

Alexander wanted so much to do just that, just what Magnus asked. But he couldn’t. He had promised his mother. He had to do what was right. What was expected of him. He couldn’t fail again.

“Magnus, I….I can’t give you what you want,” Alexander said in an agonized voice.

“I know. Not yet. But I don’t give up, Alexander,” Magnus said patiently, kindly. “You are worth waiting for.”

Alexander blushed, not believing he was worth that or much of anything else.

“Why would you even want me? I mean you saw….” Alexander asked confused, blushing in embarrassment at his own weakness.

“Yes, I saw. It doesn’t make you any less beautiful or any less desirable in my eyes,” Magnus said firmly, his tone holding only warmth and kindness.

Alexander gave him a look full of hope, wonder and disbelief.

“I am a mess,” Alexander warned softly, licking suddenly dry lips as he ran a hand through his hair.

Magnus smiled, “All the best people are, darling.”

“I….I don’t know what to say. What to do,” Alexander admitted, confused.

He wanted this, he wanted Magnus. But he shouldn’t. He couldn’t. He had to make his mother proud. He had to do what was right.

“I don’t want anything from you right now. Think about it. That’s all I ask. Think about it and for once…consider choosing what is right for **you** ,” Magnus implored.

Alexander nodded a bit shyly, “I promise to think about it.”

Magnus smiled again, his tone and eyes warm and encouraging, “That’s all I ask.”

Magnus locked eyes with him as he took his right hand and brought it to his lips, the kiss on the palm of his hand soft and tender, as if he was the most precious thing in the universe. Alexander blushed but was unable to look away; never had he felt so appreciated as he did at this moment.

Alexander felt a wave of disappointment when Magnus released his hand and stepped away.

“Till next time, pretty boy,” Magnus said with a wink and a smile as he left the room.

“Next time,” Alexander mumbled, a dazed and dreamy look on his face.

For a few seconds he had forgotten everything he had been taught, he had forgotten his mother’s orders. He felt only a weird warmth he had never felt before spreading through him and he couldn’t stop smiling. In fact, he was smiling for the rest of the day.

The end

\- part 3 coming soon

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think and I would love to hear what you want part 3 to focus on so give me your thoughts and ideas and I will see what I can do. :)  
> Kudos also very loved if you feel shy. :)


End file.
